Thursday, May 3, 2012

It Takes Two

This post was meant to be read while listening to the vocal stylings of Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock. Enjoy.

In general, I’m extremely opposed to medicine/doctors in general.  Point in fact, one morning my goofball husband punctured his ear drum with a Q-Tip before work a couple of years ago.  He looks at me after he was done screaming, with blood dripping down from his ear, as I’m walking out the door for work, “Aren’t you going to drive me to the hospital?”  In genuine confusion with a straight face, “Prompt care is just two blocks away.  I think you can make it.  Email me after they send you home and tell you there’s nothing they can do for you.” 

I can’t help it.  I blame my mom.  Trust me when I tell you that Carol, Andrea, and I learned quickly that if you had a skinned knee you didn’t mention it until dad got home.  He would gently pour the hydrogen peroxide over it, blow on it, and carefully pick the rocks out.  Mom?  Lord help you.  That woman does not have a nurses touch (love you mama, but you know it’s true). Unfortunately for me, most of my injuries occurred while dad was at work, but at least it taught me to just grin and bear it.  Why the rubbing alcohol mom?!?!  Damn.

Anyhoo - childhood trauma aside, I’ve learned that opposites attract.  TJ and I are perfect examples of this.  Every time I’m even remotely uncomfortable he’s there trying to force Tylenol, Benedryl or vitamins down my throat. He thinks every sniffle warrants a trip to the doctor.  Well, now we have a son and nothing has changed.  Calling the doctor is my last resort and it’s his first resort.  See below:

Week 4 – I think Teddy just has a lot of eye boogers.  TJ is convinced he has pink eye.  I’m able to hold him off for 3 days before we call the doc.  Turns out it was just a clogged tear duct.  Ellen 0, TJ 1.  I was genuinely surprised he needed medicine, even though I mentally gave myself a high five for treating it the way the doctor suggested.     

Week 8 – Teddy wakes from sleep screaming and doesn’t quiet down until TJ turns the light on.  TJ is convinced he had a nightmare and wants leave all the lights on in his room.  I wake up only enough to tell TJ he is a compassionate.... but to get back into bed. Ellen 1, TJ 1.  I turned off the lights, Teddy went right back to sleep and our 2 month old is not afraid of the dark.

Week 12 -14 – Teddy stops sleeping well and begins to get fussy several times a night.  TJ is convinced it’s colic.  I say it’s a growth spurt.  We try every google/mommy blog trick in the book.  I give up and call the doc.  It’s acid reflux.  Damn.  Ellen 1, TJ 2.

Either way, it takes two to make a thing go right.  Or at least it takes TJ to drag me and our son kicking and screaming to the doctor. Thank you Lord for my patient, understanding, doctor loving husband.


  1. You're a trip! I'm sitting here in my office laughing out loud. The girls outside of my office must think I'm on crack. You're mom and my mom sound alot alike. You cut cut your finger off or break a leg and my mom would tell you to take some Advil and it would be ok! LOL! My poor kid gets the same treatment......guess we'll pass on the traditions!

  2. This is excellent. I love this honest humor! And your son is super awesome. Haha. I'm glad to read this stuff and remember the ups and downs of pregnancy and motherhood!

  3. Wonderful Ellen. This is fantastic. We don't know each other, but TJ and I taught together in Winter Park once upon a time. My wife and I had our Lucy 12 weeks ago, and we're going through so many of these things. Thanks for taking the time to put all these thoughts down on paper(ish). It's something that I've wanted to do, but can't ever just make myself do it. Great stuff; keep it coming!