Monday, August 12, 2013

Richard Edward Short

It takes me a good 5 minutes to explain what Teddy’s name is.  Well, at least his “official” name.  His birth certificate (not that I have it yet since you apparently have to pay for it and go to the courthouse to get it) reads “Tilmon Edward Hurt.” 

I’ll save the full story of his full name for later, but right now I’d like to focus on the Edward part.  Richard Edward Short, that is.  He’s my brother-in-law and today is his 40th birthday.  The following are the 40 reasons that I love him and I promise this just skims the surface (broken down into categories):

Things that make me laugh:
1.       He says, “I’m going to be honest with you.”  It sounds like, “Imma gonnabe honest widya.”

2.       Ask him to say, “hamburger.”

3.       He screams at the top of his lungs and claps like a little girl when he’s being chased. 

4.       He hates boogers.  For such a manly man, he literally cannot stand to have a booger near him.  Forget about a poopy diaper.  I would suggest chasing him with either, then refer to # above.

5.       He doesn’t understand technology.  I think he might be part caveman.  If it has more than an on and off switch, then don’t waste your time.

6.       He chews on straws.  Always has.  It’s the weirdest thing ever.

7.       He messes up common sayings like he’s a foreigner or something.  Like Jesus Toledo, instead of Holy Toledo, but my favorite is, “If that was a snake, you’d be in jail.”  What?!?

8.       He’s always doing something inappropriate when no one is looking.  Try to catch him sometime.  It’s the best.  It’s normally mouthing something to me that he shouldn’t or a crude hand gesture.  It makes me laugh so hard.

9.       He introduces Andrea, as “My first wife, Debbie.” It’s so ridiculous and he’s always done it.  Nolan and Mason even call her “Debbie Momma” just to shake her up.  We are currently working on getting Teddy to say “Debbie Andi.”

10.   Getting something in mail from him is like Christmas morning, a really inappropriate Christmas morning.  Packages show up with huge labels: TJ’s Penis Pump, Let Yourself Into the House – They Won’t Care, ect.  It gets worse but I can’t even type them without cringing.

Things he loves:
11.   He has the best sense of adventure.  He will eat just about anything.  He loves the crazy exotic foods and is not scared to give it a shot. 

12.   Hunting.  This is pretty self explanatory, but still – he asked for a hunting trip for his 40th birthday. 

13.   Risks.  He left the comfort of his corporate job and started his own business.  He knew he could it.  He knew it would provide a better life for his family.  It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t safe.

14.   He loves sports.  All sports.  This actually might be the biggest understatement ever.  He loves sports.  He named his first born son after Nolan Ryan for crying out loud.

15.   He loves to pick on me.  Endlessly and without compassion. In high school, he called me ‘Yellow Dog.’  (The dog from Funny Farm that slept all of the time.)  He took great joy in picking me on endlessly any time that I dozed off – which in fairness was quite a bit.

16.   Competition.  He loves a fight and it’s just in his soul.  He loves everything about it.  Whether it’s the world series or a casual challenge to see who can eat the most shrimp at all you can eat buffet.  He’s going to put 110% into it, and he demands that you give the same thing. 

17.   Laughing.  He has not had an easy life by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s made the most of it with true laughter.  Laughs that makes your stomach hurt, eyes water, and shoulders shake.  He is one of the top 5 funniest people I know.  Hands down.

18.   Surround him with good friends, good beer, and a good sporting event and he might never leave.   If this occurs outside, in the cold, and by a fire then you will be there until morning.

19.   A clean house.  Men can tend to be pretty messy (he’s no exception) but when he gets on a cleaning roll (which is often), watch out.  You might never find the remote again because he put it under the bathroom sink, but by God, the living room will be clean.

20.   His boys.  He’s the best father.  The best.  He loves taking them to the hunting club. To a ball game.  He’s involved and I promise you that Nolan and Mason will never wonder if their father loved them.  It’s in his every action.  Every game he attends, every ball he throws, every conversation he has, and every hug he gives. 

Things I admire:
21.   He’s the most giving person and I know (and I’m married to TJ Hurt so that say’s something).  He will give you the shirt off his back.  He will go to the store buy a new shirt and then give you that one too just so you have a spare.  I have a million stories for how giving he is.

22.   His love of his family.  He would do anything for them.  He would protect them with his life, work himself to the bone to provide for them, and go out of his way to love them.  He gave me the ultimate example of what to except in a husband and I am forever grateful.  He loves her so well.  He may not be one to write a poem or buy flowers but he loves extravagantly. 

23.   He’s a man’s man.  He nearly cut off his finger and instead of going to the doctor he taped it with duct tape.  I can’t make that up.  He is tough.  Real tough.

24.   You cannot.  I repeat.  CAN NOT out drink him.  Do not try.  I’m not condoning such activities but it really is kind of amazing to see how much he can consume.

25.   He is the ultimate provider.  He will put food on the table no matter what and it will come from the sweat of his brow and he will not brag about it.  You probably will never know all of the things he’s had to do because he does not toot his own horn. 

26.   He’s a human lie detector.  He sees through people in a second and can tell you within one meeting whether or not someone is a good person. 

27.   He listens to you.  Most people just wait their turn to talk.  He listens. 

28.   He’s just fun.  There’s no other word for it.  He can make going to the grocery store for bread an adventure.  He’s the one you want to make sure you sit next to at lunch.  He’s the one you hope you get to ride in the car with because there won’t be any awkward silence. 

29.   He’s the best uncle. He checks up on Teddy all of the time.  ALL of the time.  He’s not the most sensitive man (I literally just laughed – because again that’s a pretty big understatement) but he loves Teddy so well. 

30.   His faith.  It was so much fun to get to be Santa Claus for Nolan and Mason, and one thing that I could always count on was Mike and Richy leaving for Midnight Mass together.  I love that he knows what’s most important.

My favorite memories:
31.   He let me come on a date with him and Andrea.  I was in the 5th grade when they started dating so he was basically Superman to me.  He played baseball, had longer hair, the best blue eyes ever, and he said I could come to the movies with them.  Back then Andrea didn’t have much need for an annoying little sidekick so getting to go to the movies with her and her dreamy new boyfriend was basically just short of a miracle for me.

32.   He’s partly to blame for my competitiveness.   I remember challenging him to a race when he was talking about baseball conditioning at Truett McConnell.  He smoked me.  I could challenge him to a race today, and he would push me down before he let me beat him.

33.   I was very lucky to be in the room when both Nolan and Mason were born. I will always cherish the moment when Andrea started pushing and me and Richy made eye contact.  It was a calm before the storm , and we were there for each other in the craziness that ensued.

34.   Sitting in Mellow Mushroom and having dinner after Mason was born.  Andrea is still probably mad at how long we took, but we had a great dinner after such a hard day.

35.   He surprised me for Teddy’s dedication.  He hates flying.  Period.  I didn’t even consider that he would make the trip.  That meant the world to me, and I will tear up just thinking about it.   

36.   He’d push me off the couch, take off his socks and shoes, and wiggle his feet until I’d rub them.  It was the only way to get him to go away and he can be quite stubborn.

37.   He sings all of the time.  Half the time I ignore his calls just so I can listen to his voice mail.  He will keep going until time runs out.  His tends do a lot of Garth Brooks, but he also makes up his fair share too.  I listen to my favorite ones on hard days just to make me smile.

38.   I have a voice mail saved on my phone from 8/21/11.  I was pregnant and still throwing up constantly.  He just wanted to check on me since he saw that I had called the house.  He’s talking in a funny voice and being ridiculous, but he’s checking on me. 

39.   I love the thousands of stupid conversations we have without even speaking.  We will make eye contact from across the room and have a silent conversation by just making faces. 

40.   He pulls me in for the best bear hug ever, but then will feel the need to shake me to death and mess up my hair, just because.  He gives the best hugs ever.  Hugs that take away all of your sadness and make you feel loved and protected.

Happy 40th Richy!  I love you.

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